Fantastic Beasts and Where the Plot Went: A Magical Mess in Three Parts 🧳✨🤷‍♀️

Ah, Fantastic Beasts. The series that started with a whimsical promise—magizoologist chaos, 1920s charm, and Eddie Redmayne cuddling magical creatures—and ended with a fizzle so confusing that even the Room of Requirement couldn't fix it. Let's unpack this trilogy-that-should’ve-been-five-but-quietly-bowed-out, shall we?

1. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016)

🦄 Vibes: Whimsical, chaotic good, pre-scandal
Our introduction to Newt Scamander: socially awkward Hufflepuff king, suitcase full of chaos, heart of gold. He arrives in 1926 New York, lets a few magical beasties loose, and causes a delightful, low-stakes magical mess. Along the way, he befriends Queenie (legilimens with charm), Jacob (No-Maj cinnamon roll), and Tina (wizarding narc but make it soft).

And honestly? It was cute! Magical creatures stole the show (✨Niffler supremacy✨), the world-building felt fresh, and it was nice seeing something outside of Hogwarts for once. If this had been a one-off creature comedy, we’d all be happier.

Highlight: Jacob Kowalski. Just... Jacob. 🥹🥐

2. The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018)

🌀 Vibes: Wait, who is this again? Also why?
Oh boy. This one said, “Plot? We don’t know her.” The beasts? Barely here. The crimes? Mostly confusing. Johnny Depp (before he was un-cast) plays the villainous Grindelwald, and somehow the whole franchise pivots into “Wizarding World War.” Jude Law shows up as Hot Dumbledore™ (a casting win), and Leta Lestrange is here for...reasons? And then, plot twist! Credence is supposedly a long-lost Dumbledore brother. 😐

The film is 80% setup for things that never get resolved, and 20% people standing around in cool coats saying mysterious things. Honestly, even the creatures looked bored.

Highlight: The Zouwu. A big cat meets a slinky and saves the day. 10/10, no notes. 🐉

3. The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022)

📜 Vibes: Gay subtext, election fraud, franchise fatigue
This one tried really hard to clean up the mess. Mads Mikkelsen replaces Depp as Grindelwald (a win), and the vibe is: “Let’s pretend some of that didn’t happen.” Newt’s still around (barely), but now the plot is about rigging wizard elections using a magical deer that bows to the pure of heart. I wish I were kidding.

It’s supposed to be Dumbledore’s movie, but everything’s too rushed, too quiet, and too desperate to tie up loose ends without making eye contact with the previous films. Also, poor Tina? Sent to the Shadow Realm for most of the movie. 😔

Highlight: Newt doing a crab dance in a prison to distract manticores. Yes, that happened. 🦀

My Review
The Fantastic Beasts series was like finding a sparkly box labeled “Magic!” and opening it to discover... complicated lore, weird pacing, and a franchise identity crisis. The first movie had heart. The next two felt like fever dreams stitched together with fan theories and retroactive Dumbledore lore.

It had potential—so much potential. A magical world beyond Hogwarts? 1920s global wizard drama? Creatures galore? Sign me up! But instead of exploring that world, the series became obsessed with being a prequel to Harry Potter—and not a very coherent one.

The message? Maybe that even in a magical universe, you can't force a five-film plan when only one movie was really necessary. And that's okay. Because at the end of the day, the real fantastic beasts were the friends we made along the way—especially that sweet, flour-covered Jacob.

Rest in peace, Fantastic Beasts. You were strange, you were uneven, and you were quietly cancelled. But we’ll always have the Niffler. 🖤🦡✨