Paradise Lost: Heaven’s Got Beef 👼

by John Milton

📜 First published: 1667 (in 10 books), revised 1674 (into 12 books)

😮 Why You Should Care

Because before Lucifer was hot on Netflix or Adam and Eve got memed on TikTok, Milton made the Devil a sympathetic antihero, turned Genesis into a cosmic soap opera, and basically invented the “fallen angel with tragic vibes” trope. This is literature's version of “Previously on the Bible…” but with ✍️🔥poetic bars and a villain that makes you question your life choices.

👴 The Man Behind the Lines

John Milton (1608–1674): English poet, political rebel, blind intellectual king.
Yes, he was blind when he dictated most of Paradise Lost, proving once again that multitasking is real when you're powered by divine rage and poetic ambition. 🕶️🪄

He wanted to write “something grand”—and he did: an epic about Satan, free will, temptation, and why your decisions matter more than your destiny.

📖 So, What Actually Happens?

TL;DR: Satan gets kicked out of Heaven, swears revenge, tempts humans, and ruins paradise. But also? Kinda slays the villain monologues.

Book 1:

🚨 Heaven’s Got a Traitor!
Satan and his rebel angels just lost a celestial war and crash-land in Hell.
Instead of sulking, Satan goes full motivational speaker:

“Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.”
Iconic. Chilling. Problematic fave.

Books 2–3:

👹 Satan plots revenge on God by corrupting His newest creations—humans.
Meanwhile, God and Jesus are chillin’ in Heaven like “We knew this would happen, but we got a plan.”
Jesus volunteers to sacrifice himself later to save mankind. Spoiler alert: Easter.

Books 4–5:

🌱 Enter Eden: Adam and Eve are living their best life—naked, vibing, doing chores, naming animals.
Satan sneaks in disguised as a serpent. 🐍
Angels try to warn the humans. Adam’s like, “Love it here,” and Eve’s like, “Why can’t we be free?”

Book 6–7:

💥 Flashback Time: The Angel Raphael explains how Satan rebelled, how the war in Heaven happened (think Avengers: Angel Edition), and how the world was created in 6 days.

Book 8–9:

💔 The Fall
Eve wanders off, meets the “suspiciously persuasive” serpent (Satan in disguise), and eats the fruit.
Adam, not wanting to lose her, eats too.
Cue guilt, shame, and the invention of fig-leaf fashion. 🍎👀

Books 10–12:

😢 Paradise is Lost™
God sends them packing from Eden, but with hope: humanity will one day be redeemed.
Michael the angel gives Adam a vision of all of human history—spoiler: it’s a mess, but there’s redemption ahead.

👤 Cast of (Divine) Characters

• Satan – Fallen angel, smooth talker, rebellion CEO.

• God – Omniscient, omnipotent, but lets things play out for the sake of free will.

• The Son (Jesus) – The ultimate redemption arc, offering himself before anything even goes down.

• Adam & Eve – Pure, curious, sometimes reckless. Relatable icons.

• Beelzebub – Satan’s second-in-command. Basically the Hype Man of Hell.

• Raphael & Michael – Heaven’s messengers and lore-dumpers.

🔍 Themes That Still Hit

• Free Will vs. Fate – God knows everything... but doesn’t interfere. Free will is the ultimate flex.

• Rebellion & Pride – Satan’s downfall wasn’t sin—it was ego.

• Temptation & Knowledge – Wanting to know more isn’t wrong... until it is.

• Loss & Redemption – Even when paradise is lost, hope isn’t.

🧩 Symbols

• 🍎 The Forbidden Fruit – Knowledge, temptation, and consequences.

• 🕊️ Heaven vs. Hell – Moral opposites with mirror drama.

• 🧠 Satan’s Words – Language is power. He talks his way into hearts and minds.

• 🌿 Eden – Literal paradise. Once lost, never fully regained.

🎬 Pop Culture Adaptations & Moments

• Paradise Lost inspired everything from Blake’s poetry to Pullman’s His Dark Materials to Lucifer on Netflix.

• Satan as antihero? Straight from Milton’s playbook.

• Artists, metal bands, theologians, and Tumblr girls have all claimed Satan’s “Better to reign in Hell” line as ✨their aesthetic✨.

• Oh, and remember in Frankenstein when the Creature reads Paradise Lost? Yeah. That book knows drama when it sees it.

🎯 Why It Still Matters

Because Paradise Lost is more than a retelling—it’s a deep dive into what it means to choose, to fall, and to find meaning in the fallout. Satan might steal the spotlight, but it’s about humanity, our flaws, and the hope that keeps us going—even when we lose everything.

Also… no other poem has made Hell sound so poetic. 🔥